The Norm


Pete who lives in the middle of the street,
when his wife is away on business,
Will try on a few of her dresses,
just to separate himself from the grubby banality
of what he deems his man's work, at the office.
The items he chooses are colourful, floaty,
impractical, unfathomable and ultimately
point to the divine.

Next to him is Nathan
who regularly changes partners,
He is somewhat a collector
Regards himself a connoisseur.
Keeps a spreadsheet in his head
With a checklist and rota
Nathan likes to do it upright,
Near a large mirror.
So they usually end up in the bathroom
With the slight mediterranean drain odour
Lights bright like a film shoot.
For him it needs to look like porn.
Thats when his pleasure mushrooms
Sending him plunging towards the unknown
Trembling and sliding on the tiled floor.

Next door along are the newlyweds.
She pretends that she young again
and he is an uncle or teacher
She goes back to an obscure
place from her childhood
Never fighting her abuser
She lies back all passive
Eyes big like Bambi
While he breaks his way into her.
He has his own delivery narrative:
She's a prostitute doing it for free
She's a nun whose had to give up the habit
She's a celebrated news reader
And he's the old irresistible dispatch rider.
Somehow their avatars collide
Meeting at the threshold
Tumbling as one to the other side.

Stacy who lives at number three
Is kind of an authority
And full of helpful facts,
She writes about it in magazine's
But can't actually bring herself
to go through with the act.

The children who live at number one
Have shown their bums to one another
And some other young neighbours last summer
The littlest can hardly recall it.
If the oldest one does she won't say.
But for the middle one it was a pivotal moment
She remembers it like yesterday.

There is the nice looking boy at number seven.
well he's not really a boy any more, thats the thing
He's still idolising the same ill-suited person
He's started rearranging the covertures of his bed
And any amenable soft furnishings
Into the undulating form of the aforesaid.
Then is forced to take advantage of them.

His younger brother Simeon
Has a thing for older women.
He involuntarily raises an eyebrow
At wizening birds of a certain countenance.
Its not just their wealth of experience.
He thinks it's about breaking down boundaries
And the authenticity of the action
With his girlfriend it feels like role-play.
He put an ad with an agency
"Puppy seeks mature bitch
for suckling and ball games"
Sort of witty and not too dirty.
He liked the transmogrification
Into another species
Plus it added to his anonymity.

At number 8 theres Tony
Who hasn't had it for decades.
When it comes on the Telly
He switches it off.
But if he sees a pretty girl in a shop
He'll wink
And instinctively want to doff his cap
Imagining she can see the young man she's made him feel
With the wavy hair and chizzled mandible.
Sometimes his mind wanders back alone
To those first encounters with his wife
The eiderdown quality
Of the skin covering her bones
Then he might shuffle further into history
To those boys he was so fond of
And the mutual fondling.
When he was in the armed forces.

At number nine theres Yasmina
Who fancies lots of guys
Are her secret admirers
But she's in a already in a cosy relationship
with Phillippa
They've slept side by side for years
Slipping hands up jumpers
And down trousers.
Travelling to sub tropical climbs
natural wells, hot springs,
Places of respite and rejuvenation
Taking tours around their hallowed grounds
They are each others holiday camp haven.
A harmonious rendition of
"Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow"
Resounds through the walls.


While this goes on indoors
Outside stuck on lampposts
are stickers for swingers meets
Which everyone ignores.
Its not for them, not at all
And neither are the onezie nights at Clambers
Or the new naked lazer quest evening
Or the pole dancing classes
Advertised discreetly in neon
At the lap club that popped up on the next street.
Or the tea dances for the over eighties up at the hall
Or the David Essex concert next week.